I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
