I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
