This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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