hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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