Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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