you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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