you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
