I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
