is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
