I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
