My friends, they love my intelligence
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
