Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
