i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
