you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
