pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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