i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
