Can i not drive my cunt home
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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