she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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