You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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