I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Everyone says I win the strip club
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
