haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
