Having a random hookup so left but love u
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
