it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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