all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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