just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
