I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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