she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you traded sex for a burrito?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
