Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
