I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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