I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
4 words: hood of his car
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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