do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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