Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hippo gnu deer
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
