It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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