I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
