He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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