dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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