I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
