question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
