And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
