How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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