After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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