We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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