3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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