The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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