So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
