I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
