remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
