im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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