Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
