were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
