I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
